EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY Big mutant Stan is wreaking havoc in downtown South Park. He's destroying buildings. People run and scream in terror. Big Stan picks up a car and tosses it like a football. Mr. Garrison comes around a corner. MR. GARRISON Stan, are you wearing a different hat? BIG STAN Cha waaha waah. The Stan thing grabs Mr. Garrison. MR. GARRISON HEY! I know a certain young man who is itching for detention! BIG STAN Haa Cheww weee. Big Stan throws Mr. Garrison through Jimbo's Gun shop window. Meanwhile, Stan leads the other boys in the search for Big Stan. STAN How big do you think he is? I bet he weighs FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS! KYLE Come on, Stan! Don't you even know where you would go? KENNY (pointing) Mmph! Mpm nmnm! KYLE Oh my God! The boys see Big Stan carrying a few innocent people. He disappears around a corner. INT. T.V SET - DAY NEWSMAN It appears that the horrible, destructive creature is actually eight year old Stan Marsh of South Park. A picture of innocent little Stan is put up. NEWSMAN When asked why he was wreaking such havoc on his home town, the little boy replied simply 'Me Stan, bu chomp ba chewy chomp ba chewy chomp'... Back to you in the studio. T.V. ANCHOR Thanks Tom, police are requesting that if you see this little eight year old boy, you immediately kill him and burn his body. That's all for now. NARRATOR And now back to Jesus and Pals!! JESUS Yea, the way is paved with gold for ye who seek truth and -- Suddenly, evil Stan rips through the set. BIG STAN Ba chomp Ba chewy chomp. JESUS Jesus! EVIL STAN BA CHOMP!! BA CHEWY CHOMP!! Stan tears the set apart. EXT. SOUTH PARK - DAY Officer Barbrady directs traffic amidst the chaos. The kids run up to him. STAN Officer Barbrady! My evil genetic clone is destroying the town! We have to find him! OFFICER BARBRADY You boys have been watching the X files too much. There's no such thing as -- Suddenly, the evil Stan grabs Barbrady by the throat and tosses him into Starks' Pond. KYLE Come on! Let's go! Suddenly, Jimbo comes up behind Stan and grabs his shoulder. JIMBO There you are! Stanly, you tore up my entire gun shop! You better have a GOOD explanation for this Mister! STAN It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo, it was my evil genetic clone. Mr. Garrison appears. MR. GARRISON Stanly! What the hell has gotten into you? You have got severe lunchroom duty Mister! JIMBO I'm gonna have a word with your father Stanley. MR. GARRISON Yeah, you wait 'till your father hears about this. KYLE Wait Stan! There he goes! Evil Stan starts to walks away. STAN STOP!! The Stan thing turns and looks at Stan oddly. BIG STAN Bubba chomp... KYLE He recognizes you, dude. STAN That's good, that's good dude, just calm down. Evil Stan now turns his head. He rests and sits down. BIG STAN Ba chewy chomp. KYLE What should we do with him? Stan smiles. STAN Stan... How would you like to go home and meet your sister? Evil Stan smiles. BIG STAN Haa Ba Chew INT. STAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT STAN (to Big Stan) So remember, Shelley's the one with a big wire coming out of her mouth and a metal plate on her back. When you see Shelley, KICK HER ASS. Shelley bad! Shelley very bad!! Big Stan's wide eyes turn to extreme fear. BIG STAN Me bad? He thinks Stan is calling him bad. He goes berserk! Big Stan starts wrecking the place! He knocks over book cases, the china cabinet, tables, chairs. STAN No! SHELLY Bad! YOU GOOD!! KYLE He's tearing up the house. Stop him!!! Kenny lunges at Big Stan, but Big Stan sends him flying through the air... and right into the large microwave. The door slams shut and the power goes on. Big Stan continues to rip the place to shreds. All the boys are SHOUTING and jumping on him, but he keeps throwing them off, sending them in all directions. Finally, Big Stan turns around and finds himself face to face with Shelley. SHELLEY What the hell do you want? They size each other up for a second and then Shelley hauls off and belts him with overwhelming force. Big Stan goes down. BIG STAN Ba chewy chewy chomp... Uh. Mr. Mephesto rushes in. MR. MEPHESTO Boys, boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything! Terrance, Bill and Fosse burst in. TERRANCE Hey! They've got our clone! He belongs to us! MR. MEPHESTO No, son! This beast is a disgrace to genetic engineers everywhere. (to the Boys) Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience. I tried to play God and I failed -- Mr. Mephesto pulls out a gun and SHOOTS a hole right through Big Stan's head! The blood splatters in Terrance's face. Big Stan falls to the floor dead. TERRANCE Daddy! NOOOOOOO!!! MR. MEPHESTO All I've ever wanted was to genetically engineer something useful. (starting to weep) But I've failed. Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations. Perhaps we should just leave nature alone to it's simple one assed schematics. Mephesto starts to sob. TERRANCE You cheating bastards! This isn't over! Just wait until tomorrow!! The nerds leave. Utterly depressed, Mephesto follows. The microwave dings and a crispy, moist Kenny falls out and onto the floor with a squish. KYLE Oh my God! They killed Kenny! (shaking his fist at the microwave) You bastard!! STAN Mom and Dad are home. My house is a disaster. You guys gotta help me!!! CARTMAN I ain't helping crap! I wanna eat some pie! STAN You can't just leave me here alone! CARTMAN Oh yeah? Watch me! KYLE Yeah Stan, we have to go find out if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not. See ya!